Santa Barbara Sojourn

Way back in the 1980's, hitting the open road from Orange County to Santa Barbara on a Saturday morning could be quite pleasant.

Leaving after work on Friday would mean some congestion from the Santa Monica Freeway through the Valley, but nothing that couldn't be overcome in the length of a soothing Moody Blues cassette.  After 7 PM, traffic would open up.

In our bedroom hangs a custom lighthouse painting we commissioned from an artist we met on the beach on one of those weekend trips.

We liked her work and asked if she could do one using the colors in our living room furniture, which she agreed to do for the price of similar paintings she had on display.  As I recall, that was $350.  We felt like quite the bon vivants when we picked it up a few weeks later.

Times have changed.  Trudging 15 miles through traffic jams from Redondo Beach to Santa Monica now seems to take longer than it used to take to drive ten times that far to Santa Barbara.  Admittedly Julie and I have evolved as dramatically as the traffic.

Fortunately, during the winter season, Princess makes Santa Barbara a breeze, with a handful of 4-night escapes that take you from much easier-to-reach San Pedro to Santa Barbara and a second stop in the wine country outside of Ensenada, Mexico.  Longer coastal cruises add California favorites like San Francisco and Monterrey.  Repositioning cruises on the shoulders of the Alaska season get you as far as north Vancouver, Canada.

However, you may wish to go to Santa Barbara at a time when cruises aren't going there.

Beyond that, some people don't like cruises!

What kind of nut job doesn't like a cruise?  Well, it turns out our neighbors Randy and Karen, with whom we exchange jokes and gossip by the hot tub of our condo, suffer this rare form of insanity.

Four years ago, we took a train trip together to Pismo Beach to stay at a sister property of the hotel where Karen works.  We found Pismo reminiscent of Huntington Beach in the 1960's.  We've talked about a sequel ever since, but their remodeling projects and our travels elsewhere always seemed to conflict with possible dates.

A couple of months ago, we finally arrived at three days on the calendar we agreed upon to visit Santa Barbara, where we headed last week.

As Karen said repeatedly on the way back, "I'm loving this train."

There's a lot to be said for trains, including the possibility to have a vodka and cranberry juice with breakfast, as Karen did.  The dining car food may not feature made-from-scratch meals as on a cruise ship, but pre-packaged donuts hit the spot on our morning ride up, and a microwaved DiGiorno Pizza tasted pretty good about halfway through our afternoon trip home.

Instead of worrying about traffic, we could just kick back and let the engineer do the driving, reminiscent of the railroad era for cross-country travel.

By the late 1950's, President Eisenhower's interstate highway system along with emerging 15-cent hamburger joints like McDonald's and $6 motel (motor hotels) chains combined to make cross-country road trips by car preferable for most.

The only problem with taking the train is that we had to get to and from Union Station in downtown L.A., which is way too far to walk.

So, we rode the commuter bus to Union Station, which is exactly what we did on our trip to Pismo Beach.  Now, Randy and I both qualify as seniors, even if we otherwise won't admit it, so it cost just a buck and a quarter for us, while our young wives paid twice that.  Still, not too bad to avoid going crazier in traffic jams.

The bus can be pretty efficient on a weekday, but on weekends, there's not an express pass through traffic without a thousand stops, so we took Uber to get back home, which ran about $40.

What did we do in Santa Barbara?

Let's just say I thought about calling this blog "Training to Drink and Shop."

As you may have noticed if you've ever read my articles like the one about Granada, Spain  --- which as I realized by my wife's comments watching The Spanish Princess last night that even she doesn't read thoroughly ---  I spend far more time writing about history than about beverages and shops.

To some extent, that's because Julie and I spend little time drinking or shopping, but I know many cruisers do, so our guide Karen could show us how they're done properly.

The idea of drinking is pretty straightforward, although through independently made conscious decisions when we were in college, Julie and I both choose to avoid overindulging in alcohol.  For us, it just isn't that fun at the point of ingestion or certainly the next morning.  I'd rather have an extra cup of coffee than a third cocktail.

To paraphrase the Dos Equis dude, when I drink, I prefer beer, which is self-limiting in terms of how much volume I can consume, or wine, which tends to put me to sleep after a second serving.

As such, after riding the free hotel shuttle from the train station in Goleta around noon and dropping our bags with the front desk clerk, the top priority for Julie and me would normally be to find a tasty but inexpensive restaurant for lunch.  One of the original Habit Burgers which we passed would have been an excellent choice for us.

In "training to drink," however, I learned that the first priority is to find a restaurant with a full bar.  Beer and wine wouldn't cut it for Karen, even if Coors Light would be ideal for Randy.  That is certainly easily accomplished on a cruise ship, where you can buy a cocktail with any meal at a number of restaurants within a short walk away, but this was a land stay.



The front desk clerk recommended Pepe's Tacos, which was just "a little way up the street to a left on Orange Avenue."  While that's simple directions to follow in a car, when you're walking and looking for a bar, patience doesn't tend to last much past the first mile.  We passed several restaurants with Coors Light, but none with full bars.  Actually, they didn't look too appetizing anyway.

Around the second mile, we reached the corner for Orange, which turned out to look like a rather minor street.  Just beyond, we spotted Pattaya Thai, which seemed acceptable to everyone and looked to have a full bar.

Pattaya didn't have Coors Light, so Randy did the unthinkable; he ordered a Bud Light.  Despite the fact that he usually disdains this pale imitation of beer that brags about being made with rice, he said it wasn't too bad.  I had a local brew, 805 Double Barrel Ale, which for only 50 cents more than a Bud Light seemed to be a bargain for $4.

It turned out Pattaya didn't have a full bar, but Karen settled for a split of champagne, while Julie had a white wine.  Only one woman waited all the tables as well as serving as hostess, so the service was not exactly fast, but my Pa-nang Vegetables with Chicken was tasty, and everyone else finished their meals without complaints other than Randy requesting extra hot sauce to supplement what was supposed to be seasoned to 4 on a hot scale of 5.

Karen's champagne, however, didn't really hit the spot apparently, because with her glass still full, Randy and Karen were ready to go find a bar with a full bar...and hopefully Coors Light.

For Julie and me, the idea of leaving a perfectly good glass of champagne, not to mention Julie's glass of wine, which she undoubtedly nursed to finish about the same time as Karen's split, seemed unfathomable, so we stalled at least long enough for Julie to finish her wine, and then out the door we went.

As perception tends to go, as soon as we walked toward Orange Avenue, we could see Pepe's Tacos a hundred yards down the street.  The bar looked like a prototypical 1960's era Mexican Restaurant bar.  The waiter brought over a bowl of tortilla chips and salsa.  Randy got his Coors Light, and Karen her cocktail, but Julie and I were simply apprentices training to drink, so we sipped water.

Truthfully, my single 805 DBA had been plenty for me as a midday libation, as had Julie's wine for her, and we knew in just a couple of hours, Pacifica Suites would provide a free happy hour, available on Monday through Friday.  They provided a nice spread of finger foods including pita and hummus, chips and salsa, cheese and salami, and my favorite, pub mix with those little round rye crackers.

The happy hour at Pacific Suites also offered the same 805 Double Barrel Ale on tap, but I decided to try a Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon, which wasn't exactly soft on the palate but had a very good flavor.  Julie had a white wine of some sort.

Coors Light for Randy?  Nope, they only had Bud Light.

Whereas Julie and I inevitably take advantage of free options, while training to drink, we learned that if you are serious on the subject, you must take precautions.

Karen had brought her own vodka drink to the casual gathering, and Randy doubled back to their room to grab a can of Coors Light.

We had stopped at a liquor store to pick up these emergency rations on our way back from lunch.

As happy hour ended, we suggested meeting at the complimentary breakfast.  Randy said they usually eat only one large lunch each day, and having breakfast might mean he wouldn't be hungry at lunch.  While I knew that's their normal diet, by my way of thinking, having a free meal might mean I don't have to pay for lunch, even if I'm not hungry.

The next morning, we enjoyed the terrific hotel breakfast, including humongous omelettes that were the best ever.

After breakfast, Julie and I spent a little time by the sparkling pool before she and Karen had an appointment at the famous Salt Caves of Santa Barbara.

Our Uber driver ran a couple of red lights, which we tried to ignore but definitely noticed, and then found herself in a no left-turn lane that resulted in us choosing to get out and walk a block to the storefront.

Randy and I were quite surprised to find ourselves on downtown's main drag, State Street, assuming Salt Caves must be an abandoned mine embedded in a hillside.  The spa was actually established in 2012 in the basement of a rather ordinary looking but historic retail shop.  Pink salt chunks mined in the Himalayas of Pakistan line the room where the girls would lay on zero gravity chairs for an hour listening to new age music with soothing lighting.

They originally had talked about doing massages, but for some reason talked themselves down to double digits.  Julie said it was relaxing, other than feeling guilty about the cost, whereas Karen said she fell asleep.  While they meditated, Randy and I headed toward Stearns Wharf to find a restaurant for lunch...with a full bar.

We found a great place on the pier where we planned to return with the ladies.  When  we returned out, that restaurant was unexpectedly closed, so we retreated to Longboard's Grill, which turned out to be the perfect choice for us, with panoramic beach views from its perch above the more upscale Harbor Restaurant .

They had a full bar, decent beer selection, including the Santa Barbara micro-brew Telegraph West Swell Juicy IPA, and a reasonable menu.

And the knockout blow?  Free peanuts in a barrel with an invitation to simply drop the shells on the floor.

The little boy who preferred 15 cent hamburgers to the ones costing four times as much in a roadside diner could have never imagined paying $19.95 for a Kahuna Burger with fries, but looking at the menu, it seemed like a great deal for Julie and me to split.  Julie took one of the half pound patties along with the tomato, onion ring and no bun, while I ate the rest, including a pineapple slice and the second half pound burger.

We had plenty of fries, but I still was eating peanuts after the meal (I have no self-control with peanuts).  They were so good, I ordered a second West Swell.

As amateurish as we are at drinking, training to shop would be even more of a challenge for me personally.  I don't see the point in buying something just because I am in a different location.

Admittedly, looking around a couple of souvenir shops in lovely welcoming downtown Santa Barbara was pleasant enough.  I even found a little collapsible tote bag that I thought would make a good birthday present for our youngest daughter Amy, even if her birthday is almost a year away.

Julie looked at it, laughed about how appropriate it was for our little roller bomber, and then said that rather than buy it, she would take a photo of it to send to Amy.

I said I still thought it would have been worth buying, but Julie said there was no room in the luggage.

Karen, on the other hand, decided after we returned to the hotel that she hadn't spent enough money that day, so before taking the train home the next morning, she wanted to go to a nearby mall in Goleta that the liquor store clerk said had good shopping, including, presumably, a Santa Barbara tote bag to carry home the stuff that wouldn't fit in her bags already.  4 miles away, we Ubered both directions, erasing any potential savings, I deduced in my bean-counter mind, despite Karen buying two new totes, flowery Vans high-tops, hat, socks and a few other souvenirs.

I would have preferred to spend the morning lounging in the pool area on the first truly sunny morning of our trip.  Ergo, I totally failed as a shopper, but we all had a happy time in Santa Barbara.  If you take a cruise that stops there, definitely get off the ship.  Have a meal with a local beer, and buy a hat or tee to remember your day.