Travel Tips From the Seven Dwarfs: Bashful

On the first day of pre-school, it's not unusual to see a tyke clinging to the leg of his mother, hiding his face from the world.

Emma

"He's just being bashful," Mommy will say with a loving voice.  The teacher comes over and kneels down next to him, coaxing him with soothing words to open himself to the possibilities of a classroom filled with toys and new friends.

Other children may watch the drama unfold with curious eyes, but most continue to play.

To the newly arriving tyke, only an hour removed from running around his living room pretending to be a super hero or  being chided for singing too loudly along with some TV character, this bashful episode serves to slowly acclimate him to a strange new environment and new people.

When Julie and I took our granddaughter Emma to preschool during our New York visit last year, she replayed a variation of this Bashful drama, as many toddlers will when situations or players vary from the routine, and it can be repeatedly endearing, as long as no one's in a hurry.

In "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," however, Bashful continues to exhibit the same ultra-shy mannerisms of a 3-year-old despite being around his friends in familiar environs at home and work 24-7.

If you're a fully grown adult and like to think of yourself as coy or Bashful, you might want to ask yourself if you really need to meet everyone in the world in order to get over it.

Most likely, you are acting from a psychological script that your subconscious mind calculates to work for you, and most likely it is tied to days when you were a tot encountering the world outside your home for the first time.  Back then, being quiet and shy seemed to be encouraged while "acting up in class" got you in trouble with authority figures, but that was a long time ago.

A Role Model?

We all must eventually grow up and find enough moxy within to brave the unknown and risk being shot down in order to experience the lives we really want.

You may see yourself as being modest or even unworthy, or perhaps you imagine that acting like Bashful will bring a soothing-voiced stranger to coax you into experiencing a new world, but you should try examining your behavior from the outside perspective of strangers.

They may interpret someone being Bashful not to be shy or unobtrusive but rather as stuck-up or unfriendly.  At a minimum, they see Bashful as someone not interested in getting to know them or experience the wonderful world they see around them.

Then again, not everyone will like you.  That's just a fact of life. You probably won't hook up with a matinee idol or find yourself in the same social circle as the Obamas, but most likely you can find some others ready to accept you for who you are, assuming you aren't some cruel reprobate who really shouldn't be out in public.



The Three Stooges Go to College? 

When I was in high school, my friends and I started going to parties with kids from Edison High School, which freed us from concerns about making fools of ourselves in front of girls who sat next to us in home room at Westminster High.  I still carry the scars of asking a classmate named Lynne to go on a date only to be told she had to wash her hair that night, even though I hadn't specified a night.

The girls from Edison apparently truly did think we were fools, but they liked us for it.  My girlfriend said we acted like the Three Stooges, which came as something of a surprise, because we thought of ourselves more as the Marx Brothers.

However, I digress.

A cruise ship is a great place to begin to stop being Bashful. Rather than being concerned about the fact that you don't know any of these people and will be in unfamiliar waters, seize the opportunity of being able to be the best version of yourself around people who don't know you any other way.

When you board the cruise, imagine yourself to be a featured Guest Star on The Love Boat or some other sitcom where everyone is expecting you to be bright and happy to be there. 

When you're seated in the dining room for the first time, rather than waiting for your table mates to pry information from you as you tilt your head coyly and batter your eyelashes, take the initiative to ask them about their lives first.  Whatever you may have previously believed, being Bashful means you are so caught up with your personal emotions and inner dramas that you fail to engage other people. 

Even on a cruise ship, where you have hundreds of people intent on meeting your needs, you must take the initiative to smile and bravely say, "Hi."

Beyond that, go to dance lessons and make a fool of yourself trying to do the right steps, or go to karaoke and pretend you're Elvis or Beyonce.  Join a trivia team with random people.  Participate in crazy scavenger hunts.  Go to the live shows. 

You'll discover there are lots of people ready to share wonderful experiences with you, if you get out there and live, and those experiences are ripe topics for conversation when you meet others on this cruise and after you return home.

When considering your beliefs, you should ask yourself if they are empowering or not.  Why would you want to hold beliefs that limit who you are and what you experience?  Does it really work for you to shyly avoid meeting people?

If you're over 21, it's time to stop being Bashful.