My mother passed away this afternoon. All who know my mother know she lived full tilt. Always cheerful, helpful, loving, caring and welcoming, Mary inspired the love of everyone who came in contact with her.
Everyone was always welcome at her house, and I have no doubt that God will have the same open arms for her in Heaven. She is joyful and bathed in divine light. Those of us left behind suffer the loss of this beautiful person in our lives, but know that she is in a better place. 
She went into the hospital on Thursday for a hip replacement, trying to regain the mobility she had lost gradually over the past few years. In the last few months leading up to the surgery, the pain had become perpetual, and walking with a cane could not make up for her rapidly degrading condition, so the surgery seemed the logical choice, as the alternative of being housebound would not be acceptable to someone with her love of going.
The hip replacement went fine, but then she suffered a massive heart attack in the recovery room. We were told that she probably would not survive the operation, but she beat the odds. A nurse said she had been in ER for 32 years and had never seen anyone make it off the operating table alive after undergoing the amount of damage Mary had on the left side of her heart.
Over the next two days, though flat on her back, she remained cheerful any time she woke up, and she was quite animated and looking forward to trying out her new hip. 
This morning around 9 AM, we were shocked to find her condition deteriorating rapidly. Despite her gallant spirit and around the clock nursing and doctor care, all of her systems began breakting down, as evidenced by the various laboratory results. While still hanging in there, it became obvious that she could not overwhelm the breakdown of her organs that the massive heart attack triggered.
We will be holding a memorial service soon, and of course all would be welcome. 
10 comments:
We love you Grandma.
She is the sweetest, most loving person I've ever known, and I will miss her terribly, as will everyone who knows her.
Brooks
My condolences. I am so sorry to hear about Mom. You said it so well. She was a great lady and a true sweetheart. I have such great memories both as a kid, and more recently having the privilege to share cruises a few times. I'm also thankful for our lunch in January, where sitting at her dining table brought back many wonderful memories of "hanging out with you all, in our innocent early years". While in the Navy, I frequently stopped to visit and truly felt like family. This is a huge loss for all of us she touched. I know this is a tough time on your close family.
My prayers go out to you and your family.
Please let me know if I can do anything.
DEAN
Even on this sad day, thinking about Grandma Mary makes me smile. I think of playing croquet or bridge, taking walks around the block, and gathering with family.
Her baked goodies, just one part of her sweet presence, are an iconic part of each holiday for me. With Easter coming up, I think about dying and hunting for eggs at her house, and eating cake with green coconut-grass and a chocolate bunny on the top.
My mental images of Grandma are all of giving - delivering fruit rolls and holiday gifts, lunches and companionship to friends, cosmetics and other goodies to clients, or hugs and love to her family in California and Alabama.
I know she is proud of her family, and felt rich even when dealt "itty-bitty" cards. Our lives were enriched immeasurably by her, and the best tribute we can pay is to continue making her proud.
On the cruise to Enseñada with Grandma Mary, and over games of gin in your dining room, I was fortunate to make the acquaintance of a uniquely high spirited individual. The same spirit lives on in you and in Jay.
Tony
I am so sorry, Wes
I loved her too!
I can't think of a kinder and sweeter person than Mary. She was a grandma to Kendra and Kelsey and a Mother to me.
Her positive outlook and loving way lives on in you and Darlene. She was so proud of her family.
Wes, I am so sorry
Your Mom was a powerfull inspirational woman a true "southern belle" she touched my life and was a very important figure to both of my daughters she will always be remembered as "Grandma Mary"to us.
Love
Sam
All of us will miss "Grandma Mary" Wes. I will miss her sweet spirit of Christian love & friendship. All of heaven rejoices with her at her homecoming.
Our thoughts & prayers are with all of your family. May the God of all Comfort embrace you with His unfailing, extravagent tender love.
We love you,
Cheryl, Rollie & Jered
As you're probably aware, after losing Dad, they will always be with you. I miss my folks and especially miss my brother, but I think of them daily if only for a moment's reflection on some value they taught me, or a great memory shared. Just like I'll always be Dean to your Mom, I've tried to think of her as Mary, but she will always be Mrs. Schellenbaum in my heart. The sweetest Mom and home so many of us shared. If She and Darlene hadn't helped us with the moo moo, we wouldn't have won the talent contest!!! We always seemed to gather at your home as kids. I believe that says it all!!!
I've received so many nice e-mails, I wanted to post a few on behalf of the people who sent them:
Wes,
Chris sent on the message of your mother's passing. This has to be a difficult time for you and your family. We want you to know that you are all in our thoughts and prayers.
Although it has been a long time since we've seen each other, we well remember the kindness your mom always extended to Chris in the many hours he spent in your home. If we couldn't find Chris playing baseball or football on the street in front of the house or playing at Boos school, we could locate him at Wes'. Those were the good days, weren't they? It's nice to know that your friendship with Chris is on-going.
With fond regards,
Larry & Shirley Crabtree
Wes,
I am so sorry to hear of your Mother’s passing. I certainly recall always being welcome at her house, and I am sure that she will be welcome in heaven as you say. Please keep us updated on plans for a memorial service.
Kevin
Kevin P. Anderson, Ph.D.
Wes and Julie,
We are very sorry to hear about Mary's passing. We were very shocked and surprised with the news. She was a big part of your family and it will be a difficult adjustment. She is at peace with Jesus now. I know how it felt to lose grandma Opal and I hope Gina, Jay and Amy are doing ok. We will miss her chocolate cake and happy face.
Love,
John, Toren,
Brett, Bree and Bradley Megas
I'm sorry. She was a fun, wonderful woman and you were lucky to have her as your mom.
Let me know if I can do anything for you.
Love,
Linda Rood
I am deeply saddened to hear this news Wes. Your mom was a wonderful person, and everyone who knew her will miss her. Our only comfort is that she is in Heaven with God rejoicing in His Presence with the angels.
I am also concerned for you and your family, and will continue to pray for you.
Rollie Perez
Dear Wes,
I can't tell you how much this letter means to me. You have so much talent for pulling words from your heart and comforting all that read them. I am so overcome with emotion that it feels like I can only pull fragments from my heart.
Mom loves all of us as much as we all love her. I know she is happy to be with God and all her family and friends that welcomed her. I also know that she was happy when she was with all of us.
I love you and Julie and Jay and Amy and Gina and Laszlo. You were always there for her too.
Darlene Gifford
Hi Wes,
Really sorry to hear about the passing of your Mother. I did not know her, but she sounds like she was a neat Lady, and it is obvious you cared about her a great deal.
We hope you are doing ok, and will treasure all the wonderful memories you have shared with her.
Roy, Helena and the Boys
(The Evans Family from Carmel Mountain Ranch)
I was so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. Though we did not spend the years as close as I often wished whenever we did come together she radiated a gentleness, sweetness and wonderful smile that never changed
from the first day I met her to our last meeting at Gina and Laszlo's wedding. Her smile was one of a caring and loving person
and I'm sure all who knew her loved her...and for sure she loved her family.
I hope the years ease your sorrow and leave only warm and wonderful memories. She was a gift to all who knew her and our prayers go with her to rest in peace.
With many hugs,
Edythe, Dan and Family
(The Zwicklers)
Wes and all!
We were all very sad to hear about Mary. Your words let us know how much she meant to you and what a wonderous lady she must have been. Take care... love - Myrt , et al
(Myrtle Cordon)
Dear Wes,
You are designed to know the truth about your moms passing & still feel deeply the loss of her presence; her absense in your life. You will feel more loss than most because you & Mary had a very healthy loving relationship & you will have it easier because your relationship was healthy with no regrets or unresolved emotional baggage. You will also feel this loss greater then when your dad passed away because this is the final parent passing & you will have it easier because you will have a wonderful advantage to internalize her powerful love as a source of strength in your own heart. There is a greater sense of feeling alone in this world when you lose your second parent but because of Mary's spirit you will feel closer to her when you think about her. All the experts say simply, "you will not quite be yourself" for about a year, with the "one year after" being one of the hardest times in grieving. There is also a greater sense of loss in a Mother-Son relationship to go through as they are typically closer.
Give yourself permission to feel the sadness as it comes Wes. You are a strong "swimmer" & it will not drown you. The waves are more like a normal undertow, under the surface, undetectable eroding your sense of stability; feeling unable to firmly plant your feet on solid ground. Walking on sandy soil is do-able for a year. I like to think of it as God washing the sadness away, along with your tears as they are precious to Him. Your tears actually cleanse your mind of emotional pain, so let them flow out, don't hold them in Wes so depression will not take hold.
Love you,
Cheryl Perez
An e-mail I received from Chris Crabtree:
Wes,
Somehow I neglected to send this a few days ago. I just found it in my ‘draft’ folder. I still think about you and your mom a couple times a day; and the memory of her brings a smile to my face.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. I’ve been thinking about her since I heard she was in the hospital and I’ve been hoping that she could pull through this.
I have always been fond of your mom. She was a nice lady. She was always very kind towards me and kind towards everyone else. I don’t recall her every having a harsh word.
I remember that she was always on the go and she was always cheerful. My one enduring memory of your mom is that you and I (and Alvin) would be hanging out in the living room – listening to music or watching TV – and she’d pass through, going into the kitchen, smiling and saying “Hi boys” or she’d ask how we were. And she was always cool about us hanging out. She let us listen to music, without any hassles, and I’m sure it was louder than she really wanted and I doubt that she really liked what we listened to.
When we went on the cruise together, it had probably been 15 years since I had seen her and she had hardly changed at all – expect she may have been a little slower. The smile and twinkle in her eye was still there. She really enjoyed living in the moment. And I remember feeling weird calling her Mary, she has always been and will always be Mrs. Schellenbaum to me.
I hope you and Darlene are doing well. I know how close you were and how much she will be missed. I’ll talk to you soon.
Chris
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