St. Lucia

She'd obviously had a few cups too many of the free rum punch.

Make that more than a few too many.

Rudely pushing to the front of our excursion group, she declared, slurring her words a bit, "Everyone sit in the same seats as we had on the way here!  Same party people up front."

Now the fact that guests from two different boats would be merging onto one boat for the return trip didn't seem to cross her mind, but putting dibs on seats would be juvenile regardless of whether it was actually possible to fulfill her seating plan.

Perhaps forty years ago, this fifty-something woman had been a high school cheerleader, because she seemed to think everyone was waiting for her direction despite lacking any authority to force anyone to obey.

I took a few steps back from the crowd, simply because I didn't care to act like a hog pushing to the trough, despite the fact that I had been aft on the way to Sugar Beach and would've liked to try sitting fore.

As it turned out, the crew decided to begin boarding at the stern, right next to where I stood, rather than where the crowd had gathered.  I hopped on and walked up to the bow, where I took a seat on the small bench seat right in front of the helm.

The former cheerleader somehow boarded immediately after me, which meant at a minimum she pushed past several people who had been on her side, including Julie.

Miss Give-me-a-Y plopped down next to me and began rationalizing why she deserved to be there.  "You have to move.  I have a boat on the Lake of the Ozarks, and I know this is the best place to sit."

I'm not sure why she felt like that was a compelling argument sufficient to motivate me to change seats.  About then, Julie showed up and pointed to me. "That's my husband."

"So?" asked the cheerleader who had apparently grown up and become the Queen of the Ozarks.

"I'd like to sit next to him," Julie said matter-of-factly, stating the obvious.

"Maybe we can squeeze in all three of us," I said, scooting a few inches closer in expectation that Miss Arkansas might somehow magically lose a few bathing suit sizes at the power of my suggestion.  This immediately brought heated dismissal from both ladies.  (Wow, I didn't see that coming!)

I slid back over, and Julie sat down on the side bench perpendicular to me, our knees touching.

"Oh no, you can't sit there," insisted the Queen of the Razorbacks.  Gesturing with a circling movement of her pointed finger, she continued.  "We have a whole group of party people sitting in this section."

By this time, others were coming aboard and taking seats near us, including a couple who apparently had been in that section of the boat before.  "They're okay," she said to the TV camera I had apparently missed.

The Queen was obviously Tina Fey in this sitcom of her mind, but those of us grateful to have the opportunity to sit where we could see what was ahead on our trip back to Celebrity Eclipse weren't inclined to accommodate her demand for star treatment.

Realizing her "party" (including her husband, I assume) had for the most part already settled aft, the Regal Razorback reluctantly arose and surrendered her seat.

Julie took her place next to me, so the crisis had ended peacefully.

All eyes went to the Lady In Waiting and her husband to see if they would follow their sovereign.

"Oh, I don't know her," explained the Lady, without waiting long at all, actually, after the royal exit.  "She just used my phone to snap a picture of my husband and me, and that's it."

Slipper-shaped arch where local kids dive off for tips.

During the ride back, the Queen repeatedly returned to interrupt the guide, who was providing commentary about sites we passed, including fishing villages, a diving rock shaped like a slipper, the hotel where a season of "The Bachelor" had been filmed, and the vacation homes of celebrities like Oprah Winfrey and Mick Jagger.

Every time she staggered back, holding a freshly poured Dixie cup of rum punch, Arkansas' Royal Majesty would lose her balance and smack into Julie.

When we reached Marigot Bay, where Mick Jagger's house is perched high above, the captain announced we would be making a pit stop for one of the guests.

Hotel where "The Bachelor" filmed one season.

You can guess who it was and why, though admittedly lots of women and a few men took advantage of the opportunity to use the public facilities on the dock (not Mick's powder room).

Needless to say, the moral of the story is that drinking more than you should just because it's free should not be regarded to be a good way to make friends and influence people.  (Somebody send an alert to Dale Carnegie.)

Lush foliage on rolling hills seems to be the norm in St. Lucia

Just in case it doesn't sound that way, I should clarify that we enjoyed a great day in St. Lucia.

The pier area is beautiful, with a large manicured lawn beside the scenic bay.

The excursion company picked us up that morning from the dock a short walk from the ship.

St. Lucia has lots of up-and-down hills, so the choices are long taxi rides on winding roads or boating along the coast in less than half the time.  I can state for a fact that the latter is a fantastic way to go, with white spray splashing from the blue sea as our speed boat cut through the water.

We arrived at the famous Pitons by which St. Lucia is renowned, which appropriately drew plenty of oohs and aahs.

Our boat docked by the Pitons at Jalousie Beach, which is now mostly called Sugar Beach because of the white sand imported by the 5 star resort there to please vacationers.

We didn't have a sunny place in that glorious sugary sand on the plush loungers, but rather under the shade of some trees on a more natural sliver of coastline next to it, where some old but generally functional lounge chairs awaited.  On that hot day, I think we had the better spot.

The snorkeling once again proved to be quite good.

As a change of pace, being on an excursion meant we had free drinks whenever we wanted, including bottled water, Diet Coke, Piton Beer and rum punch.

Piton Beer is a tropical lager similar to what you might find in Mexico or on other tropical islands.

One Piton Beer with the included lunch was plenty for me, but it was somehow satisfying to know I had the option to drink more whenever I wanted.

Rum punch lost its appeal for me decades ago, after about my second college party at Ziggy's house, but we drank water and Diet Coke between swims.

Just another day in paradise, as the photos attest.