Falcon, Fairlane or if you please...

Alan Hale, Pat Welch, Martin Galahair, Glenn Rocha, me,

Chris Crabtree, Wayne Ettel, Dave Smeaton and Darlene.

...a beautiful...a beautiful...a beautiful...a beautiful Galaxie?

Am I the only person on earth who still has commercial jingles from the '60s playing in a dusty corner of my brain?

I have unsuccessfully tried on several occasions to find this catchy song on youtube, so you'll have to take my word for the fact that these are the lyrics.

"Which Ford will it be?

It's as simple as 1 2 3.

Falcon, Fairlane or if you please

a beautiful...a beautiful...a beautiful...a beautiful Galaxie."

Perhaps I should further explain that the repeating "a beautiful" was like a skipping phonograph record, which a new batch of hipsters may understand even if the vast majority of music listeners have moved on to digital downloads or at least CDs.

Anyway, the point is that Ford had three lines aimed at different customers.

"The first step up is the Falcon," which was Ford's entry level small car, though it would be more of a mid-sized car in today's marketplace.  There was even a Falcon station wagon that would probably rank as a large car these days.

I remember riding with four other friends (Chris Crabtree, Kevin Anderson and the Johnson brothers, Jimmy and Dennis) in my friend Glen Rocha's aging-but-still-running family Falcon station wagon.

It must have been about 1970, and on that sunny summer day with the windows rolled down (air conditioning was far from becoming standard equipment),  we were singing along at the top of our lungs to Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Looking Out My Back Door" blasting on the AM radio.

(Great, now I'll have that song stuck in my brain for the next two days.)

"The next step up is the Fairlane,

Between the Falcon and the Galaxie."

I kid you not, that was the marketing hook for the Fairlane.  It was in between the entry level and "the beautiful...the beautiful...the beautiful...the beautiful Galaxie" in size, features and price.

Perhaps that's why I can't remember anyone who owned a Fairlane.  No, wait a minute.  That's not true.  I had a beautiful college girlfriend named Patricia Sullivan, who lived near the corner of Warner and Harbor in Santa Ana.  She drove a classic (1952?) Fairlane, but it wasn't a 1960s model sold by that marketing jingle. Anyway, I still think that was about the worst unique marketing proposition imaginable.

"But the glamour queen is the Galaxie

At a price that you can't beat.

That, of course, means

Your pocketbook's on Easy Street."

The Galaxie pitch had great appeal with dads in my blue collar neighborhood apparently, because Mike Rood's dad had a mauve Galaxie coupe and  Chris Crabtree's family car was a light blue Galaxie station wagon.

Once Mike and Chris had their driver's licenses, they began cruising in the family cars.  I have distinct memories of each car.

The Glamour Queen Is the Galaxie

Mike liked to rev up the engine on that Galaxie coupe, left foot on the power brake while goosing the gas pedal with the right, and then acting like he was popping the clutch in a drag racing car with a green light.  Sometimes, if he wanted to really impress someone, Mike would rev the automatic up in neutral and drop it into drive, which must have done that Galaxie transmission a lot of good.  His dad, God rest his soul, might still be wondering why his Galaxie's transmission slipped.

Chris Crabtree's Galaxie wagon carried us to a lot of high school events, including the night we went by the sock hop just as it was ending and were given a few dozen leftover cupcakes by pep squad girls who just wanted to get rid of them.  A short time later, we were driving along, wondering what we were supposed to do with these cupcakes, when Steve Braman's Chevy El Camino (a kind of hybrid between a pickup and a coupe) pulled along side us on Garden Grove Boulevard, prompting us to roll down the windows on the passenger side to carry on a conversation with them at 40 miles an hour. 

In the pickup bed were four guys, including John Marx (no relation to Karl or Groucho as far as I know)...or was that Gerry Boeke?..., who lifted a fire extinguisher and started spraying it into our open windows.

We quickly rolled up the windows on that side of the car, but how could we defend ourselves?

We rolled down the driver's side windows and, leaning out to get free arm movement, began pelting Braman's truck and its occupants with cupcakes.

In those days, the roads in Westminster weren't very crowded, especially around midnight, and fortunately none of us died in the great foam and cake battle that ensued.

How does that relate to travel?

Oh yeah, before I got sidetracked, I was going to talk about Royal Caribbean's three brands marketed in the US and how that compare with Ford's trio of cars, but by now you've probably run out of patience, so I'll make it quicker than originally intended.

Solarium Pool on Jewel of the Seas

Royal Caribbean theoretically is the entry level brand, but unlike the small Falcon in Ford's car line, RCCL has the largest cruise ships in the world.  Not all are as large as the Oasis Class goliaths, but Royal Caribbean definitely has the most bells and whistles.  We're talking rock climbing walls, ice skating rink, wave pool for surfing, skydiving simulator, ziplines, full blown neighborhoods and other features that make the ships destinations in their own right.

In an even greater departure from the Ford model, Royal Caribbean has some of the fanciest, largest suites afloat, and the prices on that level of excellence can be among the highest in the line.

It is not unusual for Royal Caribbean to cost more than her upscale sister Celebrity, especially in the Caribbean. 

Celebrity, however, deserves kudos in its own right.  Celebrity has carved out its own niche "between the Falcon and the Galaxie."  Galaxy was an older class of Celebrity ships which has been phased out, but it was a beautiful ship design featured in Architectural Digest.  My family enjoyed a terrific Alaska cruise aboard Mercury, one of the ships in that class, which highlights the fact that Celebrity, like Royal Caribbean, is a good choice for family cruises.

Crazy 'Bout a Mercury Group Cruise

As I think about it, there could be a "Star Wars" tie between Ford and Celebrity.  You might recall the space ship Han Solo boasted to be "the fastest ship in the galaxy" was the Millennium Falcon, and Celebrity Millennium Class ships were the next generation after Galaxy.

So what is the fair lane for Celebrity (see how I brought in words that sound like Fairlane?)?

Their newest design is Solstice Class, and the feel is that of an ultra-modern, futuristic city, though definitely much nicer than anything found in "Star Wars."

Celebrity celebrates Modern Luxury, and its claims to fame are service and dining room experience.

The lines, however, do blur.  As I mentioned, my family had a great trip on Celebrity, and I always enjoy the meals on Royal Caribbean.  In fact, Royal Caribbean now has so many alternative dining venues that some folks might call their dining options better than Celebrity's.  For dining room meals included on your cruise, however, I still contend it would be hard to beat Celebrity among large-ship cruises.

Celebrity used to be differentiated as more formal than Royal Caribbean, and to some extent perhaps they still are, but recently Celebrity abandoned formal nights, something men probably appreciate more than women, because it means they no longer have to wear a job noose... I mean a tie.

"But the glamour queen is the Galaxie."

That could refer to Celebrity, but the top line in the Royal Caribbean family is Azamara Club Cruises.

Interestingly, the dress code is always country club casual, reinforcing that wearing tuxedoes is not necessary to live large.

And while Galaxie was the largest car with the most gadgets in the Ford line, Azamara ships are the smallest in the family.

Rather than focus on bells and whistles of their ships, which incidentally were beautiful before the extensive reimagining underway in early 2016, Azamara is port-intensive, with the itineraries unquestionably the stars of the voyages.

Unlike most cruises, Azamara gives you ample opportunity to spend evenings in town, with more evening or overnight stays in ports.

Azamara Journey From the Cave of the Apocalypse in Patmos, Greece

Azamara's small ships can get closer to the centers of town and into ports where larger ships simply will not fit...period.

As the top of the line, Azamara has the great dining of Celebrity.  In fact, I'd say Azamara's buffet food is as good as the best dining room fare on most mainstream ships.  The dining room recipes are regularly more complex than those of Celebrity's prized chefs.  However, it has been a while since I've tasted Celebrity fine dining for myself, something I need to rectify soon.

There's also free adult beverages throughout the ship.  And to ensure anticipatory service, gratuities are included in the cruise fare.

Azamara, however, is not all things to all people.  There may be children who cruise with parents on Azamara Club Cruises, but not too many.  This line is definitely geared to adults.

What if you like the more inclusive nature of Azamara Club Cruises but want a larger ship more amenable to families?

Celebrity's new promo is Go Big, Go Better or Go Best where you can decide exactly how inclusive you want your large cruise ship to be, and Royal Caribbean also includes its promos, including one for ships based in Italy for the in 2016 where you get free drinks.

So, which cruise will it be?

It's as simple as 1, 2, 3.

There's the big mega-ship with jaw-dropping features on board (Royal Caribbean), the large ships with a more elegant take on Modern Luxury (Celebrity) or the boutique line that takes you to more ports with fewer sea days.